~Henri Matisse
						
You have first of all to feel this light to find it within yourself.
	~Henri Matisse

This painting, in tones of French blue, is the calme
in luxe, calme, et volupté. It’s also a page in my calendar
for the month of April, 1994, when my dog was still alive—
a red heart on the fourth reminded me to worm him—
when a note told me that my friend Harry, who has
now slipped into dementia, wanted to borrow some cross-
country poles. Leukemia hadn’t claimed my dentist yet—
I had a cleaning on the 18th.  I can see when report cards
came home, where I’d marked the days of Early Dismissal.
In the painting, the hot pink dahlias lined in Prussian blue
seem no more alive than the lighter pink roses
on the wallpaper or the peaches blushing on the plate.
Time has stopped in two dimensions:  on the canvas
and in the calendar squares.  The text, in the open
book on the cherry wood table, emits a faint blue
light.  Bonjour tristesse.  Is anything sadder than the past,
with its ruled notebooks, long-gone friends?  Me, 
when I didn’t know the future?  And yet the half-full
glass of water, cold from an old well, shimmers
with life.  I know that when I raise it to my lips
it will give me all I’ve been longing for.