Aging gracefully, or not...

Confession: I rather intensely dislike the notion that aging must be done in a certain way, must meet certain social expectations. Those expectations include things like how people of "my age" should dress, talk, exercise, be entertained, and so much more. I will dress the way I want to, thank you very much. If I decide at age 70 to wear bright red tennis shoes, I don't need to be judged as having reverted to my childhood, or accused of not knowing what is age appropriate. Just be thankful I choose not to wear a speedo at the beach.

As individuals, we age differently. Mistakes of the past, like not staying in good physical shape, exert themselves and make trying to exercise now much more difficult, more prone to injury, harder to find motivation for. That doesn't mean that an overweight 70+ year-old man should stay out of the gym, or shouldn't be active at whatever level he chooses. And it certainly doesn't mean that it's okay to look down on him because his oversize belly isn't attractive to you.

I don't see myself aging gracefully. By that I mean I am not content with my physical appearance, my fitness level, my tolerance for trivial inconveniences. I am grumpy far too often, critical of imperfections in myself and others, irritated by people who want to tell me what is okay to eat, see, comment on in social media posts.

And let's talk women. Does "aging gracefully" mean a woman in her eighties is somehow deficient if she chooses to dye her hair jet black? I hear things like "Who does she think she's fooling? We all know how old she is, why doesn't she just go gray?" Flip through a fashion magazine. You'll see articles on "Things you should NEVER wear if you're over 40 (or 50 or 60...)" I'm not a woman, and yet I find it offensive that there's some magic age at which you can't wear what you choose to. If it fits, what difference does it make? Is there some specific age at which to stop wearing make-up, or to stop using that shade of lipstick that was your signature look at 25?

I would assert that aging gracefully has little to do with appearance and everything to do with the kind of person you become. Kindness, compassion, tolerance are the things that matter. I don't care if you want to sport a bright blue mohawk at 85 when I know that you spend your days trying to make other people's lives easier. I'm jealous that you have enough hair to do that, and I'm working on toning down my grumpiness.

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