Intermission. Curtains tumble like giant rolls of toilet paper unspooled 
by mischievous cats. A stampede of distended bladders clamors for exits.
Fidgety patrons form lines before overburdened facilities. Faces 
expressionless but whimpering inside like toddlers sentenced to endless 
queues at Disneyworld. This is going to be tough! 

Please, little sphincter, hold your ground. Spare me embarrassing inkblots.  
You’ve suffered through worse and never failed: Bangkok traffic 
so stymied that marooned motorists ordered carry-out delivered to their metal
islands. Hours belted into airplanes, fused to the tarmac awaiting clearance
to ascend into stormy skies. Hang on a little longer!  

I can see inside! Partitioned stalls apparently occupied as though pranksters 
left shoes and rumpled pants behind locked doors. As a male, other options 
come into focus. Rows of open urinals beckon like yawning, porcelain 
catcher’s mitts awaiting a fast pitch. Scant privacy but offer of sweet relief 
for pending emergency. Enough! 

Finally! Time to let it go. Go. Go! NOTHING? Maybe distractions will help.  
“Sloan Valve Company, Chicago, Illinois, 1.2 gallons per flush.” Pale graffiti 
defiant of janitorial scouring; YOU SUCK, the license plate of a famous comedian, 
FI1U12. Listen to surrounding rain, like a chorus of ratcheted lawn-sprinklers 
ricocheting off windowpanes. Go!

Remember fun times, scribing steaming verse into new-fallen snow, 
fertilizing lichens on mountain peaks with no regard for wind direction, 
painting miles of stripes on railroad ties through gaping holes serving
as toilets in ancient rail coaches. Award worthy marksmanship.  
Now would be a good time!  

Doors creak open on partitioned stalls. In unholstered panic, I vault through
an opening in one seamless maneuver. Just in time! Blinking lights, chimes 
prompt swift return to theater. Sated, refreshed, eagerly seeking my seat,
doors press against my face. “I’m sorry, sir, you’re not allowed to enter 
the theater after the performance has begun.” Well, crap!