December 2020
Alan Walowitz
ajwal328@gmail.com
ajwal328@gmail.com
Author's Note: Comfort and Joy is a somewhat bitter, somewhat melancholy poem made after my mother
died in January, 2014. I know we’re entering the season of light—Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa—but I can only remember
that time—and think about the one we’re in now—with a sense of loss. Christmas at the Yoga Retreat is lighter fare, I hope.
My books are Exactly Like Love (Osedax Press), The Story of the Milkman and Other Poems (Truth Serum Press), and eventually, In the Muddle of the Night written with Betsy Mars (Arroyo Seco Press).
My books are Exactly Like Love (Osedax Press), The Story of the Milkman and Other Poems (Truth Serum Press), and eventually, In the Muddle of the Night written with Betsy Mars (Arroyo Seco Press).
Comfort and Joy
The solstice, as predicted: chill wind; bitter sun; the temperature falling like a glove belies all the talk of the world dying of the heat. Most will make it to the far side of winter, no matter what the Mayans might claim: the world soon coming to an end. Compared to their workaday miracles these Mayan ladies perform— toileting my mother, changing her, putting on lipstick— it hardly matters the brutality that went on atop Chichen Itza, solstice so long ago. Joy to the World and all is forgiven, we hear from the desperate, the sick-at-heart, but what’s all such idle saying worth? A song pitched too high, even for the cherubim? A so-called virgin birth—the agony without the earlier pleasure that might serve to redeem? It’ll be cold enough in the grave with or without, but how about we try a winter coat? I know my mother is tired of all this incessant being. When she taps her tongue to her palate just so, gets the neurons to fire in proper sequence, and those stubborn synapses to bridge, she tells me, No good! No good! Maybe the Mayans are keeping it too hot in here, too much like the Yucatan: I start to think, in desperation, it might be cooler underground. Es la vida, one of the señoras tells me when I cry from this cold thought I now regret thinking. Que lastima, niño!—she pities me my weakness, my child-like honesty, but offers no substitute, no shoulder to cry upon, no lap to cradle me my wounds.
Originally published in The Ekphrastic Review
Christmas at the Yoga Retreat
No holly, no lights, only the tree outside, lonely, unadorned, but come to full term with the help of some higher power which saved it from man’s need to turn trees into monuments to whomever he turns when life is at low ebb. For a moment now, it’s decorated with a winter bird or two, and some orphan-snow in the crotch of a branch, but we’re just a few days the other side of the solstice, and the mothership, this creaky scow of ours, seems to be stuck on a sandbar as it tries to right itself and chug a new path through the multiverse. Now we can’t see much through the growing dark, though those who study the calendar assure us there’s some hope ahead— and it just so happens: Should we chuck it all for the sake of meditation? becomes the very subject of tonight’s meditation. Our leader tells us, This is the last full moon there’ll be on Christmas . . . and then, looking around at our mostly aging crew formed in an expectant circle, blurts this accidental truth: . . . in some of our lifetimes. The way our days insist on crashing so predictably to their end seldom gets spoken in Canyon Ranch or Parrot Cay, those tonier joints where more room will soon be needed for advanced yoga poses by the young and lithe Brahmin—and where we tell ourselves we have no intention of spending the last few shekels of our bounty, much less the frankincense and myrrh, left from our previous incarnations, we keep stashed, against bad tidings, in our underwear drawer.
Originally published in Exactly Like Love Osedax Press
©2020 Alan Walowitz
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