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September 2015
Brian Horsethief
blackguitar2@hotmail.com
I love to laugh and make other people laugh.  When my kids were little I made up silly stories for them — and then turned them into songs.  Now I write poetry and short stories, all humorous.  I've created a Zombie advice columnist, Hideous Hilda, who counsels needy zombies.  I’ve also created a character called Anxietyman who always 'saves the day' even though he’s a neurotic nervous wreck. (Yes. I based him on me...)  My poems and stories have been published online and in print.  



If


If trees had knees would they kneel in the breeze 
Or would they still sway overhead?
If a rose had a nose, do you suppose
Like Rudolf’s, it’d still be red?
If a bear with no hair stretched out somewhere,
Is it a bare skin rug?
If your aunt were to rant, “Call me aunt not your ant!”
Did you just call her a bug? 





A Sleepless Night


Lying awake...
Lost in the rounded corners of my mind — 
   painfully aware of the echoing silence.
Eternal moments teetering on the fringe 
   of anxiety — brain cells like popcorn
   dancing in the heat of my restless skull.
Don’t worry, half pound of chocolate!
I won’t blame you and your caffeine cohort 
   for keeping me awake.
So just go ahead and wallow away in
   my belly. 
I’d probably have nightmares anyway!  





Why Beavers Build Dams
a poem for children

Did you ever wonder why beavers build dams?
They build them for a reason — not just cause they can.
Dams provide homes and protection it's true — 
But here's a reason that might surprise you.
The sound of rushing water to the beaver's keen ear
Is like static on a radio no one likes to hear.
The dams are built busily by beaver girls and boys — 
To stop water from rushing cause they don't like the noise.



©2015 Brian Horsethief
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