May 2015
I love to laugh and make other people laugh. When my kids were little I made up silly stories for them — and then turned them into songs. Now I write poetry and short stories, all humorous. I've created a Zombie advice columnist, Hideous Hilda, who counsels needy zombies. I’ve also created a character called Anxietyman who always 'saves the day' even though he’s a neurotic nervous wreck. (Yes. I based him on me...) My poems and stories have been published online and in print.
My Poor Plastic Bag
My poor plastic bag is completely empty
Much like my head’s vacant lot—
I’m as grounded as an airplane—
Transparent as cellophane—
Whatever I just said I forgot.
My poor plastic bag contains absolutely nothing
Like what’s in my head it would seem.
Am I a woman or a man?
I forgot who I am!
Should I acquaint myself with me?
My poor plastic bag has nothing more in it
And I mean zip-a-dee-doo-dah—
I’m spaced-out somewhere
But what do I care!
I smoked all my marijuana.
Student of Nature
I'm aware of emerging creatures
With a host of curious features—
The owls are incredible screechers—
Frogs croak like lecturing preachers—
I sit upon rocky bleachers—
A student of nature's teachers.
Horrible Muse
I’m so uninspired—
What’s the use?
I’ve got writer's block
And a horrible muse.
No prose or verse
On a page of frustration—
Just a horrible muse
And my mind on vacation.
Nothing moves me
So how can I write?
To a horrible muse
I’m saying goodnight.
Woke up in a sweat
On the edge of my bed—
To a horrible muse
Shouting this in my head:
You can’t write worth beans—
You’re a hack and you know it!
It takes a horrible muse
To know a lousy poet.
©2015 Brian Horsethief