January 2015
How did I get a name like Horsethief? My last name is really 'Dziokonski.' It’s pronounced Ja-coin-ski. The middle syllable (coin) means 'horse' in Polish. My brother used to tell me that our family name meant 'horse thief.' Then a man very dear to me (who also happens to be the creator of Verse-Virtual) suggested that I use 'Horsethief' as my pen name. I’ve been 'Brian Horsethief' ever since.
I love to create! It’s my passion. It seems like I went from drawing dinosaurs to playing the guitar in a flash. Suddenly, I was writing songs. I began converting the stories that I made up for my kids into songs. Three of my children’s songs were recognized in various contests. I also received three Honorable Mentions from the International Billboard Songwriting Contest.
Making my kids laugh seems to have spilled over into my poetry and short stories these days. I’ve created a Zombie advice columnist named Hideous Hilda who counsels needy zombies. I’ve also created a character called Anxietyman who always seems to save the day even though he’s a nervous wreck. (Anxietyman was easy to come up with. I just based him on my own quirkiness and spiced it up a bit.) The bottom line is this: if creating is my passion then humor is its fuel. What can I say? I love to laugh! I love making people laugh.
I love to create! It’s my passion. It seems like I went from drawing dinosaurs to playing the guitar in a flash. Suddenly, I was writing songs. I began converting the stories that I made up for my kids into songs. Three of my children’s songs were recognized in various contests. I also received three Honorable Mentions from the International Billboard Songwriting Contest.
Making my kids laugh seems to have spilled over into my poetry and short stories these days. I’ve created a Zombie advice columnist named Hideous Hilda who counsels needy zombies. I’ve also created a character called Anxietyman who always seems to save the day even though he’s a nervous wreck. (Anxietyman was easy to come up with. I just based him on my own quirkiness and spiced it up a bit.) The bottom line is this: if creating is my passion then humor is its fuel. What can I say? I love to laugh! I love making people laugh.
Figaro's Frolic
To Italy I took my dog Figaro —
Where he barked Latin prose for his bone.
Perhaps I should have called him Cicero —
As he romped through the streets of Rome.
To France I took my dog Figaro —
An escort for poodles was he.
“Monsieur your dog is a gigolo,”
Said a Frenchman somewhere in “Par-ee.”
To England I took my dog Figaro —
On Christmas we smooched by Big Ben.
Two blokes cried, “Where’s the mistletoe?”
Then Figaro kissed both of them.
To Germany I took my dog Figaro —
Round Hamlin a flute he did lug.
Led were the children by that piccolo —
Played by my pied-piper pug.
Biting Satire
After reading a film critic’s sarcastic review of
his debut performance in the newspaper,
a disgruntled actor proceeds to eat the
caustic comments —
Bicuspids munching, incisors chomping, and
molars gnawing —
Apparently, biting satire has taken on a whole
new meaning.
Bug
I knew a bug that was a thug
Who made his grub steal a rug.
To death the bug did squeeze the grub
So that the bug could keep the rug.
And in that rug the bug was snug,
But on that rug did sleep my pug
Who felt the bug give him a tug --
And with a shrug did squash the bug.
Preacher
Preach all day to your heart's desire,
Preach until your vocal chords tire,
Preach from the pulpit until you perspire,
Preach all you want but not to the choir!
Thoughts on a Snowy Morning
The plow blade sounds like nails on a chalkboard —
I don’t feel like shoveling out my car.
My boss is saying he wants me at work —
But my bed is saying, "Stay where you are."
©2015 Brian Horsethief