Ed Note:  Brian brings us a special Halloween treat in this issue of Verse-Virtual.  Besides three spooky and kooky poems we have a new episode of ANXIETYMAN just written for the occasion.                             




The Lonely Ghost


I’m a ghost 'cause I’m dead
But my friends are alive --
That’s why I’m lonely you see.

I walk through walls.
My friends can’t do that!
I see them but they can’t see me.

I don’t have a head -- 
No legs, arms, or feet.
You can’t describe me as short or tall.

For all of these reasons
I’m a lonely ghost.
I’ve got nobody, no body at all!





Bewitched


The witch said to her husband,
   “It’s my spell you are under.
In my eyes you see lightning --
   In my voice you hear thunder.
I have a long crooked nose
   and my skin’s pale green.
Under my wicked spell
   you see the beauty of a queen.
You’ll run to your bride
   when you’re summoned my groom.
And on each Halloween 
   you’ll buy me a new broom.”





                             — THE ADVENTURES OF ANXIETYMAN --

                                        Anxietyman Goes Trick-or-Treating



Anxietyman is apprehensively taking his nine-year-old nephew Zeke trick-or-treating while Zeke’s parents are away. Anxietyman thinks to himself, ‘I’m already freaking out here. Zeke could have been Batman, The Hulk, or even Superman. Instead, he has to go and dress up like a little zombie for Halloween. It isn’t his fault though. How could he possibly know about my paranoia and deep-seated fear of the undead -- not to mention my disturbing premonition that a zombie apocalypse is going to take place tonight.’  

Anxietyman’s distressing thoughts are suddenly interrupted as Zeke cries, “Let’s try that house over there Uncle A!” Anxietyman swallows hard as he utters, “You mean Mr. Perkins’ old house with the h-h-h-haunted cemetery in the yard?” Zeke says emphatically, “Yeah that’s the one! Look at the cool severed head by that gravestone, and check out those bloody hands coming up from the ground. Mr. Perkins has the best Halloween decorations ever!” 

Zeke takes Anxietyman’s trembling hand as they walk up to the spooky house and ring the doorbell. Instead of Mr. Perkins coming to the door, however, they’re greeted by two grotesque zombies who begin to moan as they lumber toward them.  Anxietyman screams bloody murder: “They’ve eaten poor Mr. Perkins! My premonition was right. The zombie apocalypse has begun. Oh my God! Oh my God! Call the National Guard! Call the Marines! You’re going to have to help me Zeke. Quick! Get something to bash their brains in with.That’s the only way you can kill a zombie. Do you still have the stick from that candy apple? Maybe we can plunge it into their decaying skulls. Help! Help! Spread the word! The zombies are taking are taking over the world!” 

Suddenly, one of the zombies says to the other, “I thought we could scare this moron away but obviously he’s a psycho! He’ll blow our cover for sure. Lets get the hell out of here!” As the two zombies drop their lumbering act, they proceed to run like rabbits into the street only to be surrounded by police cars from all directions. The two of them are immediately apprehended, handcuffed, and led into a police cruiser.

A policeman walks up to the house to investigate and says, “I might of known it was you, Anxietyman. It’s me -- Officer Feinberg. I see that you and your little friend here have been doing some trick-or-treating. Well this time the trick’s on those crooks in the squad car. Those two -- dressed as zombies -- have been burglarizing houses for the past few Halloweens. Thankfully, we just got a call from a neighbor informing us about a disturbance on Mr. Perkins’ front porch -- but Mr. Perkins isn’t home. If it hadn’t been for you Anxietyman, we’d never have arrested those criminals. You saved the day, my friend. You’re a real Halloween hero.” 

With his eyes popping out of his head and his mouth still quivering, the extremely stressed out Anxietyman can only acknowledge Officer Feinberg by shaking his head up and down. 

As Officer Feinberg walks away, he suddenly turns around and says, “By the way, Anxietyman, you don’t look so good. Is that part of your costume or something? What are you guys supposed to be anyway?” Zeke replies, “I’m supposed to be a zombie, and my Uncle A -- well -- he’s just a nervous wreck!”  



        

After All Those Years... 


After all those years of performing on life’s stage 
he gazed into the timeless theater of non-applauding 
ghosts and sighed, ‘They must be booed to death.’