How did I get a name like Horsethief? My last name is really 'Dziokonski.'  It’s pronounced Ja-coin-ski. The middle syllable (coin) means 'horse' in Polish. My brother used to tell me that our family name meant 'horse thief.'  Then a man very dear to me (who also happens to be the creator of Verse-Virtual) suggested that I use 'Horsethief' as my pen name. I’ve been 'Brian Horsethief' ever since.  

I love to create! It’s my passion. It seems like I went from drawing dinosaurs to playing the guitar in a flash. Suddenly, I was writing songs. I began converting the stories that I made up for my kids into songs. Three of my children’s songs were recognized in various contests. I also received three Honorable Mentions from the International Billboard Songwriting Contest. 

Making my kids laugh seems to have spilled over into my poetry and short stories these days. I’ve created a Zombie advice columnist named Hideous Hilda who counsels needy zombies. I’ve also created a character called Anxietyman who always seems to save the day even though he’s a nervous wreck. (Anxietyman was easy to come up with. I just based him on my own quirkiness and spiced it up a bit.) The bottom line is this: if creating is my passion then humor is its fuel.  What can I say?  I love to laugh!  I love making people laugh.   

            ___________________________________________________________________

A Small Rock


I met a small rock 
At the end of a dock, 
But it wouldn’t talk. 
It just sat there, and sat there, 
And sat there, and sat there, 
And sat there... 
So I pushed it off. 





Concerned Cash


Said the cash when I reached for my wallet,
"They’ll take one third --
I find that absurd --
It’s robbery — that’s what I call it!"

Said the cash as I lifted it out,
"Woe to the penny --
They will take many --
They’re crooks within and without."

Said the cash as I counted fifteen,
"What they’re quick to procure
They’ll waste for sure --
They take and they take — it’s obscene!"

Said the cash in the salesclerk’s hand,
"Mr. Cashier --
It’s not you I fear --
It’s the one they call Uncle Sam!"





Unimpressed Female Bird


He’s wasting his time dancing so strange --
Fluffing his feathers while his wings rearrange --
His jumping and jiving is a sight to see!
I know what he wants but he ain’t gettin’ it from me.
                                                      

_________________________________________-__________________________

YOU ONLY DIE ONCE

HIDEOUS HILDA’S ZOMBIE ADVICE 

Dear Hideous Hilda: I’m a zombie who is considered to be quite spiritual, so I’ll get right to the point. Do you believe in the afterdeath? --CADAVEROUSLY CURIOUS


DEAR CURIOUS: That is a question that has plagued zombiekind since the beginning of time. We’ve all heard the saying, ‘you only die once,’ but I’ve been seriously considering the possibility of reanimation. Perhaps we do undergo redeath in another corpse after we decay away. But since you ask a question that obviously no zombie can answer, I suggest that you not only continue to stumble erratically down the road of death but that you always try to die your death to the fullest.

Posthumously yours,
Hideous Hilda