August 2014
As my name Brian Horsethief suggests, I am a horse thief. When I’m not busy stealing stallions and other expensive equines, I write poetry, zombie lore, and short stories that contain my own unique brand of humorous horse nonsense. If you’re interested in hopping on a preposterous palomino, breaking out of the confines of the corral, and going on a wacky ride through the wide open fields of fun -- please contact me at my email address above.
-- YOU ONLY DIE ONCE --
HIDEOUS HILDA’S ZOMBIE ADVICE
DEAR HIDEOUS HILDA: I’m a female zombie who has a problem with my diecrepit older sister.
Her taste in clothing is appalling to say the very least. She was all excited the other day because
she had been to the walker’s flea market and while there -- she told me -- she found something
‘absolutely perfect’ for me to wear. I almost lived when she held up a tacky tie-died shirt with a
gigantic yellow smiley face on it. She is my older zombie sister and she means well, but I refuse
to wear that awful shirt. Please tell me what I should do...
--APPALLING ENOUGH WITHOUT THAT APPAREL
DEAR APPALLING: All I can say is UGH! Smiley faces are the absolute worst! There’s only one
thing you can do. Tell your dear diecrepit older sister that you love her to life but you wouldn’t
be caught alive in that ridiculous thing.
Warmest remains,
Hideous Hilda
Nothing Can Scare Me
Come morn he hollers --
He hollers come morn,
‘Nothing can scare me
Or makes me wary,
Not even The Twilight Zone.’
Come noon he shouts --
He shouts come noon,
‘Nothing can scare me
Or makes me leery,
Not even an ogre’s groan.’
Come dusk he yells --
He yells come dusk,
‘Nothing can scare me
Or makes me chary,
Not even a zombie’s moan.’
Come night he whispers --
He whispers come night,
‘Nothing can scare me --
My Teddy bear’s near me --
He doesn’t like sleeping alone.’
A Poet's Prayer
I’m thankful to a wonderful world,
an infinite universe
and heaven above
for my creative dry spell.
Now I have something to write about!
©2014 Brian Horsethief