The Trouble With America


My bottle of barbecue sauce has two labels
one reads Hunts Original, the other
New Improved Recipe. So, which is it?
Original or Improved?

Did they just type the recipe on a new index card
and call it an improved recipe?

In the window of Whole Foods 
is a banner reading, All Beer 25% Off.
below that: Excludes Draft Beer. All?

Here’s the recipe for a drug commercial:
Fifteen seconds of hype followed by
forty-five seconds of disclaimers.
Flu shots may cause nausea and diarrhea.
Anti-depressants could cause suicidal thoughts.
Pneumonia shots might cause fever, chills, nausea
and a weakened immune system.

Eggs were bad for me; now they’re good.
In between the bad eggs and the good eggs,
egg yolks were bad, and egg whites were good.
Now it’s eat all the eggs you want.
If I live long enough, I may be able to enjoy liver again,
unless the medications I’m taking kill me first.

And now democracy is bad. Wait, let me rephrase that,
this democracy is bad. Wait, let me rephrase that,
this is not democracy. I’m pretty sure it’s something else.

We’re told it’s democracy, but there’s so much misleading
information floating around out there.

Thank goodness for the multiple benefits of red wine.
Please, don’t tell me anything bad about red wine.